Finding Myself
by BookAddictForLife
Summary: Katniss has made it out of the Hunger Games. Now she's living in District 13, a shadow of what she once was. Her spirit's gone. She's got nothing to live for but the slight chance that Peeta might be saved. But things are going to get a lot worse.
1. Chapter 1

**This is my first Katniss/Peeta story, so it might not be exactly right. I've actually been writing this story for a while on my ipod, but I had to make it better. Anyway, I hope you like it, and please review. I need to know if you like the story. **

"Katniss!" Gale calls outside the door to my room. "Haymitch needs to tell you something! It's important!" Normally, I would just ignore him, but the slight possibility that Haymitch has information on Peeta makes me move my legs and walk to the door. I open it and see Gale standing there, frowning. He looks terrible. There's bags under his eyes, like he hasn't slept in weeks. His eyes have a slight pinkish tint to them, and for a moment I wonder about this.

"Where is he?" I ask.

"He's in the conference room," Gale replies. I start walking down the hall and he follows behind. I reach the conference room and burst in, not bothering to knock. Haymitch, Finnick, Plutarch, Beetee, my mother, and Prim are all sitting around the table. Their faces all resemble Gale's. Prim even has tears in her eyes, and at that moment, I know to prepare for the worst. Hiding my emotions, I sit down and look at Haymitch.

"What is it?" I ask, noticing that my voice is shaking. I don't want to hear the answer, not really. I could just walk away and pretend that everything's fine. But that's not the way I am. Haymitch clears his throat.

"We've got news on Peeta," he says, and for a moment I think that maybe I'm wrong. Maybe he's still Ok.

"What is it?" I ask impatiently. "What's the news?"

"The Capital dropped Peeta's body off a little while ago," he says. It takes a moment for the meaning of this information to hit me.

"What?" I choke out.

"He's dead, Katniss," he says softly. "I'm sorry." I look around the table, breathless. They're all watching me to see how I'll react. My eyes travel back to Haymitch.

"You promised you'd keep him safe," I whisper. I get up and leave the room. As soon as I'm out the door I start to run. Tears stream down my cheeks. Suddenly, I collapse on the ground, unable to go on. Now I understand how it feels to lose someone you love. I understand what my mother went through, and I can't believe she lived through it. I curl up on the floor and feel my heart breaking. I hold in a scream as the pain rips me apart. Arms wrap around me, pulling me closer. I look up to see my mom, her face blurred by my tears. I burry my face in my hands and she rocks me back and forth like she did when I was little. I feel a hand touch my arm and look up to see Prim. I open my arms and she falls into them, hugging me close. I wipe my eyes and lean my head against hers. We sit like this for a while and then I get up, shaking. Prim takes my hand and leads me to the cafeteria. When we get there I immediately sit down and Prim goes to get us both something to eat. Gale walks in and slides next to me on the bench. I stare down at the table.

"Are you Ok?" he asks softly.

"No," I manage to say. Prim comes back with the food and I grab the first thing in front of me. I'm not planning on eating it, but I'll nibble at it for Prim's sake. It's a loaf of bread. I flash back to that day long ago when Peeta risked a beating to give me something to eat. Peeta. The pain comes back, and I drop the bread like it's poison. I start to cry again. Prim quickly takes the bread and hides it on her lap, but it's too late.

"What's so bad about a loaf of bread?" Gale asks Prim. She glares at him.

"Don't you remember what shop Peeta's family owned?" she asks.

"The bakery. Oh…" he replies. I wipe my eyes and take a deep breath.

"It's Ok," I say. "I'm just being stupid."

"No, Katniss," he says softly. "You're not being stupid at all."

"I want to see him," I say.

"See who?" asks Gale.

"Peeta," I reply.

**Ok, there's Chapter one. Remember review. Please! **


	2. Can't Believe He's Gone

**Ok, here's chapter 2! Thanks to Jennie, my one and only reviewer. I'm so glad you like the story. ****J**** Please continue to review. It really helps give me motivation to update faster.**

Prim grabs my arm.

"Katniss, don't do this. You're going to upset yourself," she says pleadingly. I pull my arm away.

"I have to," I say softly. "You have to understand that, Prim." She bites her lip.

"At least eat something first," she pleads. She looks like she's about to cry, and the last thing I want to do is upset her.

"I'm not hungry," I say gently. "Gale, where's Haymitch?"

"In the conference room, I think," he replies. I leave the cafeteria before they can say anything else. The walls of the hallway flash past, a blur of pale brown. Soon I'm standing outside the door of the conference room. I take a deep breath, starting to get nervous. What if Haymitch is mad at me? What if he won't let me see Peeta? My fist somehow finds the door and I knock.

"What do you want?" A voice calls from the other side.

"Haymitch? It's Katniss. Can I come in?" I ask.

"Come on in," he replies. I open the door slowly and make my way to the chair across from the one he's sitting in now. He barely looks up at me as I sit down. His eyes are red and his hands are curled into fists. For a second I think I've done something wrong, but then he buries his face in his hands, and I know something's wrong.

"Are you Ok?" I ask gently. He looks up at me, startled by my question. If anyone should be asked if they're Ok, it's me. "You look upset," I explain. He sighs and shakes his head.

"You were right," he says.

"What?" I ask, confused.

"You were right. I promised I would keep him alive. I lied to you," he says. He pounds his fists on the table, causing me to jump in my seat. "I could've saved him! He could be here right now, and then no one would be upset! I used you! I used you just like the Capital used you in the games!" I'm surprised by this flood of emotions. He's never been so open before. His eyes get teary, and that's no good, no good at all. I don't want him to be upset, not before I have to ask him this silly request.

"You were just doing your job," I say gently. "You had to keep me alive so that the rebellion could happen and we could over throw the Capital. That's the more important issue right now." It kills me to say the last part, because even though I know deep down that ending the hunger games is more important than Peeta, I can't help but think about all the things we never got to do. I never even told him that I loved him. I'd always had confused feelings for him, and they never became clear until I realized he was gone forever. It's the most horrible time to realize you love someone, after they're gone. I hope that deep down, he knew what I did not, that he always knew I loved him, even though I never had the guts to say it.

"You should be mad at me," says Haymitch.

"I should be, but I'm not," I say. "I have something to ask of you." He looks up at me again, slightly less gloomy.

"Anything," he breathes. I take a deep breath.

"I want to see him. I want to see Peeta," I say softly, embarrassed.

"You want to see him? Are you sure?" he asks. I nod. "Ok, then. Follow me. He's in the infirmary." I follow him out the room and down the hall. We enter the infirmary and he leads me to a door in the back of the room. My stomach churns, and my palms get sweaty. I'm afraid of what I'll see. He could be bruised or broken, damaged beyond repair. Haymitch opens the door and I take a deep breath.

"I'll just, wait out here then," he says. I step into the room and he closes the door behind me. The air in here is stale, and the lighting is dim, making what I'm about to see seem a hundred times more terrifying. There's a table in the corner, and I walk towards it. My heart pounds in my chest, and I almost stop where I am and turn back, but I have to see him. Once I reach the table, however, my fears fall away. He's undamaged, as perfect as he was in life. He looks like he could be sleeping, his features peaceful. I brush the hair out of his eyes and trail my fingers down his cheek. He's cold, so unlike the warm Peeta who helped me fight the nightmares. I trail my fingers further down, along his arm, his chest. I feel tears come to my eyes. He, out of all people, is the one who least deserved to die. Everything he did was out of love, his pure love so unlike mine. He died thinking I never loved him, yet continued to love me till the very end. I can't control my emotions any longer. A sharp scream escapes my lips, and I'm sobbing. I sink to the ground, and whimper in a dying animal way. Why him? Why him, out of everyone in this planet? I reach up, and grab his cold, unfeeling hand. I've never been known to be emotional, but seeing him like this breaks my heart all over again. I'm not the fierce little hunter I used to be. Suddenly, I stop my whimpering, and try to control my breathing. Peeta was in love with that hunter, and that's what I'm going to be for him. I stand up, using the table to steady myself. I look at him one last tiem, every part of him. Then, I notice something sticking out of the pocket on his pants. I take it, and see it's a piece of paper. It's addressed to Katniss Everdeen. I open it and see it's a letter.

_Dear Katniss,_

_If you are reading this, it means that I'm dead. I don't know if that means anything to you, or if you even care, but I want you to know this. I have never stopped loving you and never will. You are my life, Katniss, and I don't know what I'd do without you. That's why you're the one who has to live. Be strong, Katniss. Please, don't waste the rest of your life missing me. Move on, love other people. Your family needs you to stay strong. Be happy. I'm sorry I won't be there to comfort you when you have nightmares. Again, I love you, more than you could ever know. If there really is an afterlife, than I guess I'll see you then. Goodbye Katniss._

_Love,_

_Peeta._

At the bottom of the paper is a sketch of me and Peeta in my house in district twelve. Peeta is drawing pictures of edible plants in my father's book, and I'm watching him. It was the only normal moment we ever had together. A tear lands on the page, but I wipe it away quickly before it can stain. I fold up the paper and stick it in my pocket. I look back up at Peeta.

"I love you, too," I say, and walk back to the door. I open it and see Haymitch standing a few feet away. There are new tears in his eyes, but he wipes them away as soon as he sees me.

"Oh, you're done. Are you Ok?" he asks, coming over to me.

"Yeah," I say. "I'm fine." He shuffles his feet and bites his lip.

"I heard you scream. I almost came in there to see if you were alright," he says finally.

"Oh, yeah," I say softly. "It was just…A lot to take in, that's all." He nods.

"Maybe you should head back to your room and get some rest," he says gently. I nod and leave the room. When I reach my room I sit down on the bed and place the letter under my pillow. I wish I had my pearl with me, but during the explosion I couldn't find the strength to reach it. There's a knock on my door.

"Come in!" I call. The door opens and in walks Finnick.

"Hey," he says, sitting down next to me on the bed.

"Hey," I say.

"Are you Ok?" he asks. I sigh and look up at him.

"I don't know," I say. "Sometimes I think that maybe I'll be alright, but then I don't know if I'll be able to live without him." He lays back on the bed, putting his hands behind his head.

"I know what you mean," he says, and gives a small laugh.

"Annie," I say. He smiles slightly.

"Yeah," he says, and I can hear the worry in his voice.

"I'm sure she's fine. The Capital won't bother her," I say.

"Maybe you're right," he says.

"I hope so," I say.

"Me too," he says. There's another knock on the door and I sigh. "I think I'll go now." He gets up and is just about to leave when I call to him.

"Finnick!" I say. He turns back to me.

"Yeah?" he asks.

"Thanks. For everything," I reply.

"You're welcome," he says, and with that he leaves. As soon as he's gone Gale walks in.

"How are you holding up, Catnip?" he asks, sitting down where Finnick was just moments ago.

"Ok I guess," I reply.

"I talked to Haymitch about your visit. He says you handled it pretty well," he says. I don't think I handled it well at all, but I guess Haymitch was expecting worse. I smile ever so slightly.

"You know, he always liked Peeta better than me," I say.

"Probably because he was easier to deal with," he says, and I look up at him.

"What's that supposed to mean?" I ask teasingly. He smiles.

"Nothing. You're just a lot of work, that's all," he says. I lean my head against his shoulder.

"I miss him," I whisper. His smile fades and he wraps his arms around me.

"I'm so sorry," he says.

"What time is it?" I ask.

"About six," he replies. My stomach growls.

"I think I'll go eat," I say, getting up. Gale follows me to the cafeteria and I sit at a table while he goes to get us food. Finnick and Beetee sit across from me. Haymitch comes in and I wave him over. He hesitates, but then grabs a plate of food and sits next to Beetee. Gale comes back and sits next to me. It's unusually silent. No one wants to risk upsetting me. Haymitch finally clears his throat and we all look at him.

"So, I was thinking we could burry Peeta tomorrow," he says.

"No! Not tomorrow!" I say. He looks at me.

"Why not?" he asks. I bite my lip. I don't feel like explaining to him how when Peeta is buried, his death becomes more official, and then I'll never see him again. I can't stand that thought.

"I just… Not tomorrow. Please," I say helplessly. He must be feeling pretty bad for me, because he just drops the subject, which isn't like him. We all finish our dinner and I stand up, about to leave. Gale grabs my arm.

"Hey, you wanna play cards or something?" he asks.

"Not now. Sorry," I say, and head to my room. All day people have been crowding around me, asking if I'm Ok. All I want now is to be alone. I collapse onto the bed and wrap the blankets around me. They're nowhere near as warm as Peeta, and they don't give me the sense of safety he gives, but they're all I have. I close my eyes, and prepare for the nightmares that are sure to come tonight.

**Ok, there you go! This was really sad to write. I hate writing about Peeta being dead, since he's my favorite character. I realize Katniss is OOC, but that's just the way I'm writing her.**


	3. Sunset

**I'm so glad people like this story. I'm updating this so much faster than my other story, which I really should be updating more often. And to those who are upset that I killed Peeta, sorry. It makes me sad, too. But you never know, the Capital is mighty tricky. Could they have a trick up their sleeve? You'll just have to keep reading to find out.**

When I wake up I immediately feel under my pillow for the letter to make sure it wasn't a dream. I read it again and then put it back under the pillow for safe keeping. My muscles are stiff, and my throat is dry, but other than that I slept pretty well. I didn't even have any nightmares, which surprises me. My stomach growls, but I don't want to get up. If I head to the cafeteria I'm just going to get more sympathy and be crowded around, when all I really want is to be left alone. I just lay there for a few minutes, but eventually I'm so hungry I have to get up. Without even bothering to change, I make my way to the cafeteria. I'm glad that no one but Finnick is here yet, and he won't bomb me with questions. I sit down next to him, grabbing a plate of food.

"You're up early," he says.

"Hmm. I didn't even know it was early," I say. If I would have thought about it I probably would have been able to guess. It explains why no one else is here.

"Did you sleep well?" he asks.

"Actually, yes," I reply. "I didn't even have any nightmares or anything. I was sure I would."

"It's ironic, but I think you're handling Peeta's death better than the rest of us," he says. "I hardly got any sleep last night." This strikes me as odd, but I don't comment.

"Believe me, I'm handling it way worse than you. I'm just not showing it," I say. "It feels like my heart is breaking."

"I'm sorry," he says gently.

"It's not your fault," I say. "It's my fault, everything is. He would be here now if it weren't for me." Finnick opens his mouth to say something, but just then Prim comes in and sits down next to me.

"Hello, Finnick," she says. "Hi, Katniss. What do you want to do today?" Cry. Scream. Collapse on the ground and die. These are all perfect answers, but I can't tell Prim this. It will make her upset.

"I don't know," I reply simply. I look down at me half eaten breakfast, and it transforms before my eyes. Where there once was an egg, there is now a loaf of bread, and it's fresh. I look up to see if anyone else saw, and see Peeta. He's standing a few feet away, a bottle in one hand and a baby in the other. He sees me watching him and comes over, setting the baby on the couch. He kisses me…

"Katniss? Katniss, are you listening to me?" I snap back to reality and look up to see Prim watching me.

"Sorry," I say. "I was day dreaming. What were you saying?" She frowns slightly.

"I was saying you should go see mom today. She's been kinda worried about you," she says.

"Well actually, I kind of need some time to think. You can tell mom I'm fine, and that she doesn't have to worry about me. I'll see you later," I say, getting up. Just as I'm about to leave the room, I hear Finnick talking to Prim.

"She's trying so hard to make it look like she's taking this better than the rest of us, but inside she's hurting worse than anybody," I hear him say. I cover my ears, not wanting to hear what else he is telling her, and keep my eyes on the ground. I don't know where I'm going, just anywhere away from there. After I'm far away from the cafeteria I take my hands off my ears and slow my pace a bit. The day dream comes back to me, and leaves me confused. It had been so real, and he had looked just like the Peeta I love. I hold back the tears that threaten to surface. Is that really how I felt about Peeta? Did I really want to marry him? Suddenly, I run into someone going the other way. I'm knocked to the ground and look up to see Haymitch.

"Sorry," I say. He offers me his hand and pulls me up.

"Don't worry about it," he says. "Where are you heading to?"

"Nowhere. I'm just wandering the halls," I reply. "I need some time to think." He nods.

"I think Gale is in the conference room, if you need somebody to talk to," he says.

"Thanks," I say, and start heading to the conference room. Love new people, Peeta had said. I know he meant Gale. He always thought Gale and I had something going on, that we were in love, but in truth, I don't love Gale like that, not like I loved Peeta. Gale is sitting in a chair all alone in the conference room. He looks up at me as I enter and smiles.

"Hey Catnip," he says. I smile slightly at my nickname.

"Hi," I say, and out of nowhere I start to cry. Maybe it's because I've known Gale for so long that provokes the tears, because I know he won't think of me any differently for doing it. He gets up quickly and pulls me into his arms, which just makes things worse. My throat is tight and my chest aches. I can hardly breathe, and Gale's arms around me just remind me of Peeta. I push him away and take a deep breath.

"I have to go to the bathroom," I lie, and run out of the room. I run down the hall, not really caring where I go. I round a corner and see my mother walking in my direction. She sees me and runs to me, pulling me into her arms. I sob into her shirt and she strokes my hair.

"I feel like I'm dying," I mutter. She holds me tighter.

"I know, I know," she says softly.

"How did you survive it?" I sob.

"I moved on," she replies, and I look up at her. I wipe my eyes.

"I don't think I can move on," I say. She gives my hair another stroke and sighs.

"I know," she says. "It's hard. I think Haymitch was looking for you."

"Where is he?" I ask.

"The cafeteria," she replies. I pull away out of her arms, muttering a thank you, and run down the hall. It's time to be that fierce little hunter that hides her emotions again. I reach the cafeteria and spot Haymitch. I sit across from him and he looks up at me.

"My mom said you wanted to talk to me," I say.

"Yeah. We're burying Peeta tomorrow," he says.

"No," I say. Haymitch sighs.

"Katniss, it's no use keeping a dead body. He's just going to sit there and rot," he says. The thought of Peeta rotting makes me shudder.

"Fine," I say. "At sunset."

"That's kinda late, Katniss," he says.

"I know. Please, Haymitch. Sunset," I say, my voice pleading. He hesitates.

"Fine," he says with a sigh.

"Thank you," I say, getting up. I head back to my room and lay on my bed, closing my eyes. I start to day dream again, beautiful, wonderful dreams where Peeta is healthy and happy again, and alive. As I start to drift off, I imagine him hugging me close to him, the way he used to when I had a nightmare. Imagining this fills me with peace for the first time in days, weeks maybe, and I know that tonight I won't have nightmares.

**Ok, hope you liked it! Many thing will be revealed in the next chapter, so keep reading, and remember to review.**


	4. Peeta's Funeral

**Hey guys, sorry for the super long wait. I've been really busy, and now that school's started I'll be even more busy. I would have updated sooner, but I figured that with Mockingjay now out, no one would want to read it anymore. But then I got a review from Ilovetheboywiththebread1416, telling me to update. That really motivated me to post the next chapter, so thank you very much! If it's been a long time in between updates, feel free to review or PM me telling me to get off my lazy butt and update. :) So, here it is! Remember to review, please.**

I wake to a knock on my door, and get up slowly, still half asleep. As I make my way over to the door, I trip on the carpet and fall over, right onto my face. I swear, I'm killing whoever woke me up. I crawl the rest of the way there and pull myself up using the doorknob. When I open it, Haymitch is on the other side, an amused expression on his face.

"What do you want?" I ask, annoyed.

"Just thought you'd like to pick out a spot to burry Peeta," he says with a shrug. "But if you're too tired…" I glare at him, but the glare isn't nearly as menacing because of my tired expression.

"Fine," I say. "When?"

"Now," he replies, grabbing my arm and pulling me down the hall. It's a good thing I wore my clothes to bed last night, because Haymitch obviously seems to be lacking the sense of giving me time to get ready. I don't see why we have to do this so early, anyway. We have the whole day to pick a spot and dig a grave. We end up in a large room. Finnick and Gale are waiting for us, shovels in their hands. Gale presses a button, and a hatch opens up above us, stairs forming to greet us. We climb out into sunlight, and it feels so good to be outside again. The rest of my sleepiness washes away with the sun, and I take in a deep breath of air. My eyes search for the perfect spot to burry Peeta. It has to be somewhere beautiful, somewhere unique. Somewhere the sun is always shining, because he doesn't deserve to be hidden away in the dark, not even in death. Haymitch and I have already kept so many secrets from him, kept him in the dark, but this will be the end of that. Finally, my eyes rest on two trees, just far enough apart to burry Peeta between. They stand all alone in a clearing, but surrounding that clearing are the biggest, strongest trees I've ever seen. The spaces between the trees are just wide enough on all sides that the sun seeps through, highlighting that one patch between the trees. It's a natural beauty, an elegant place so protected, and yet so closed off from the world. It's like heaven, or at least how heaven should be. I walk up to the trees, leaving the other three alone. A soft breeze blows through, almost magical in the way it moves through the leaves, causing them to rustle, creating natural music that hollers over every other sound.

"Over here, guys!" I call. "It's the perfect place!" As the others make their way over to me, I look around once more. A perfect place for a perfect person, a place so full of life for a person so lively. I fight back the sudden urge to cry, because a place like this can't be soiled by tears.

"Woah…" says Finnick as he enters, and I turn to him, a sad smile on my face.

"It's perfect for him, isn't it?" I say, and he gives a sad, yet at the same time happy look.

"Absolutely perfect," he says. We stand in silence for a moment, understanding each other, knowing exactly how the other feels, because we've both lost someone. Annie may not be dead, but she's as good as gone, probably never coming back, even if we send out a rescue party. Gale and Haymitch finally make it, and they, too, look around in wonder.

"Where do we dig?" Gale finally asks, and I silently point to the space in between the two middle trees. Him and Finnick get to work, being careful not to destroy this beautiful place too badly. It's hard to imagine Peeta down there in that hole, deep under the Earth's surface, forever silent. It's hard to believe that he's gone forever, that he's never going to kiss me, or hold me when I have nightmares, or tell me that he loves me ever again. Haymitch rests his hand on my shoulder gently, but doesn't say anything. It's that silent gesture of understanding, that one moment of conclusion that sets off the tears. I turn to face him and burry my face in his shirt, letting the tears come, probably staining his already stained shirt with new stains. But he doesn't say anything, and I know he understands, because he loved Peeta too, no matter how little he showed it.

"Come on," he finally says, gently pulling me away from this place. "Let's go get lunch." And I let him pull me away, my mentor, my lifeline, the one piece I have left of the days when it was just the three of us, all working together to stay alive, to stay whole. I let him take me away off that awful place so full of longing, and hurt, and regret, that place so full of beauty it's painful, because it just makes everything more real, more conclusive. I feel myself being gently placed on a bench, and can smell the food placed in front of me, but I don't see it. My tears are too thick to see through, and they seem to be coming out in a relentless stream, just another sign of my ending happiness. All the left over tears from all the other times I've cried, they're coming out now, bringing with them the truth. I can't live without Peeta. I was stupid to even think that I could, because without him I'm nothing. I'm only half of myself, and half is not enough. I don't know how long I sit there, and no one comes to get me. They just leave me there to be swallowed by my own grief. After a while, I don't know how long, the tears finally stop falling, and I fall into a fitful sleep, drained of any energy I had.

"Katniss. Katniss, wake up." My eyes open to see Gale, gently shaking my shoulder to wake me. I blink once, twice, trying to clear my head. I sit up, my neck sore and cramped from the odd angle I was sleeping.

"What?" I mutter, stretching.

"You have to get up, Katniss, and get ready. We're burying Peeta in a few minutes," Gale says, a small grin on his face. I jump to my feet.

"What? Why didn't anyone tell me? I can't get ready that fast!" I say loudly, already on my way to run to my room, but Gale grabs my arm.

"Katniss, slow down!" he says. "You have plenty of time. They would never start without you." I sigh in relief and them smile at my stupidity. Of course they wouldn't start without me. Gale takes my hand and gently leads me along to my room.

"What should I wear?" I say, anxious. "I don't have anything nice to wear…" I'm starting to worry again. "Oh no, Gale!" He laughs, actually _laughs_ at me. I hit him on the shoulder, hard, and he winces slightly.

"Don't worry, Katniss. Your mom has an outfit all planned for you. She's in the bathroom," he says, nodding towards the bathroom door. I enter the bathroom to find my mom waiting for me, wearing a dress herself.

"Oh! There you are, Katniss," she says, grabbing my arm and pulling me towards her. She holds up a sunset orange dress. Wondering how she knows the symbolism behind this color, I slowly slide off my clothes and put on the dress. Now that it's on, I see that it goes down a little past my knees, and is strapless. Next, she lays out a pair of soft orange ballet flats for me to wear. I slip them on, feeling slightly exposed wearing them. They're so unlike my hunting boots, with feel so protected, and yet, they're comfortable, fitting for an occasion like this one. Lastly, she undoes my braid, leaving my hair down in soft waves. She slips a butterfly clip in it, holding up some of my bangs. I recognize the clip from one of the pieces my mom had from her days as a merchant's daughter, from the days before she fell in love with my father. I look at myself in the mirror, so unlike myself, and yet, it is me, like the long lost, hidden part of me. I smile slightly and turn to my mom.

"It's beautiful," I say. "How did you know? How did you know that this was his favorite color?"

"You talk in your sleep, Katniss," she says with a small smile. "Now let's go. People are waitng!" We walk out into the bedroom, where Gale is on the bed, looking up at the ceiling. When he sees me, he gets up and walks over to me in a hurry.

"Wow… Katniss, you look, amazing," he says, and then smiles. "You look nothing like yourself." I smile, too, and take his hand.

"Thank you," I say. "Let's go." We make our way to the hatch and then outside to the burial sight. A huge crowd of people, possibly the whole underground, stands among the trees, leaving the space in between the two middle trees bare. I quietly come stand in front of them, next to Haymitch and everyone else I love. Prim comes and takes my hand, squeezing it with her own, and I see she has tears in her eyes. Gale stands on my other side, taking my other hand. Haymitch is clearly drunk, but I'm not really mad. Somehow it just doesn't seem like it's Haymitch if he's not drunk, and I'm sure Peeta would agree if he were here, if it wasn't him we were here to bury. The sunset is shining through the trees, a wonderful shade of soft orange, Peeta's favorite color. It's silent for a moment, no one moving, and then four men from the underground come through the trees, carrying Peeta's body on a plank of wood. They lay him down next to the hole Gale and Finnick dug earlier, and I stiffen slightly.

"If anyone would like to say a few words, now would be the time," one of the men says. "I'm about to say something, but Haymitch beats me to it. He stumbles up to the front of the crowd, and turns to face us.

"I would like to say a few things about this boy," he says, and then clears his throat. "No, this _man._ Peeta was a lot of things. He was kind, caring, loving. He always seemed to get on my nerves, but I couldn't help but forgive him just as often. He was a good kid, and he didn't deserve this. I hope he's happy wherever he is now." Haymitch goes back to his spot among the crowd. It wasn't professional, or even well thought out, but it was perfect, beautiful in its own way. I take a step, ready to say my words, but again I'm beaten to it. This time it's Prim who steps up to face us all.

"I didn't know Peeta that well," she says. "And I regret that very much. But I did see what he did for my sister during the games, and even after. For that, I'm very grateful. He was a wonderful person, and had so much life ahead of him. He had so many talents, too. He could move a crowd with his words, paint beautiful masterpieces, ice the most wonderful cakes. He was easy to get along with, and tried to help out whenever he could. So, thank you, Peeta, for all that you've done on this planet, and I hope you're safe and happy." She comes to stand next to me again. Then, surprisingly, Gale steps forward. He clears his throat awkwardly and then takes a deep breath.

"Peeta… Well, Peeta was a good guy. Like Prim said, he did help Katniss, in way I never can. He understood her, the games part of her, and for that I'll always be grateful," he says. He comes back to my other side as I finally step forward, but looks anywhere except at me. His speech wasn't long or amazing, but it said everything that needed to be said, and I was touched he even said anything at all. I turn to face the crowd, a mix of emotions, all combining together to form one big emotion, and emotion that feels so sad and broken it nearly breaks my heart all over again. I take a deep breath and shift my wait from one foot to the other.

"Peeta was an amazing person," I begin, my voice threatening to break. I swallow back the sore ache in my throat that comes with sadness. "He was so good and wonderful, and he most definitely didn't deserve to die like this. And there was so much he never knew. Like how much I love him, and miss him, and I wish so badly that he could be here with us now. But he's not, he's dead, and it's all because of the Capital. That's why we need to fight them, so that no more lives are lost! We need to end this pain and suffering once and for all! I am your mockingjay, and I'll fight until the end, because Peeta died fighting for something important, something worth fighting for. And I won't sit around and let them take everyone I love! I'll never let them break us." My words hang in the silence. No one moves, no one does anything. I turn now to Peeta, to address him. "I love you, Peeta, I always have. I'm so sorry I never realized it before." And then I make my way back to my spot between Gale and Prim. Slowly, people begin to move again. No one else steps forward, and so the four men pick up Peeta again, and bring him to the edge of the hole. Silent tears run down my cheeks. This is the end, my last goodbye, and I shout it through my mind. _Goodbye Peeta! I love you, I won't ever forget you! I'll see you again someday, I promise!_ Suddenly, Peeta sits up on the plank of wood, breathing heavy like he'd just been strangled half to death. His eyes are wide, his face white. Time slows to almost a stop. I hear gasps sound throughout the crowd. Haymitch looks down to his bottle of vodka in disbelief, no doubt thinking it's the cause of this strange allusion. I must be imagining this, I must be. Then, time unfreezes. The men drop the plank of wood, and Peeta hits the ground hard, tumbling into the hole. There's a soft thump and I step forward slowly, cautiously. This must be a trick, this can't be real. I peer over the edge of the hole, and see Peeta sitting there, eyes still wide, looking up at me.

"Katniss?" he says, and a smile covers my face, my eyes filling with tears of joy. It's him, it's really him! And he's alive! I let down my hand, and he grabs onto it. I pull him up, finding strength in my new found happiness. As soon as he's up I bring him into a hug.

"You're alive!" I say, the joyful tears still running down my cheeks. I squeeze him so hard it must hurt, but he doesn't complain. He squeezes back just as hard, and I don't think he'll let go anytime soon. "Oh, I've missed you so much!"

"Katniss," he says again, like his life depends on it, like I have to really be here. Finally, I pull away and stare into those beautiful blue eyes I love so much.

"You were dead," I say. "Your heart wasn't beating." He smiles slightly.

"No, not dead. Snow injected something into me, something that causes the body to literally freeze. That's why my heart wasn't beating. He thought it would be fun to let my die of suffocation deep down in some hole somewhere, murdered by the love of my life. Of course, you wouldn't have known, so I would never have blamed you. I have to ask, why did you wait so long to burry me?" he says. Haymitch steps forward.

"The reason for _that_, Peeta, is because Katniss here couldn't stand to let you go, even if you were dead," he says, smiling. "Guess I didn't need the vodka after all." Peeta frowns slightly at him, and smiles. He looks around in amazement.

"All of this was for me?" he asks. I nod. Glae steps forward, too.

"Katniss picked it out for you," Gale says with a smirk.

"She wanted it to be perfect," says Finnick. "She missed you _a lot._ You should have seen how much she cried this afternoon. Like, six hours straight." Peeta turns to me, clearly amused.

"Oh?" he inquires, raising an eyebrow and smirking at me."And, you're even wearing a dress!" I blush madly and then turn to Gale and Haymitch and Finnick angrily.

"Oh, shut up!" I say. Peeta takes my chin and turns my face to look at him.

"They're just joking," he says. "Besides, I think it was really sweet of you, and it's my opinion that matters most to you, isn't it?" I hate that he's right.

"Oh, you shut up, too," I say, and then I kiss him.


	5. Together Again

**I am **_**so**_** sorry for the long wait. I was totally going to update the next day after the last chapter, but then my brother was on the computer, and I got caught up in homework, and I just pushed this back. But, here it is. I hope you like it, and please remember to review! Reviews really motivate me to write, and let me know how you like the story so far.**

I don't know how long we stood there, our lips pressing against each other. My arms were tight around him, holding him to me so hard he could hardly move, but that was okay with both of us. I had been waiting so long for this moment, dreaming about it, and then when he was thought to be dead, I fell apart. I didn't know what I would do, but he's here now, and everything feels right, and all I want to do is hold him until the day I die. Peeta doesn't say a word, just let's his lips do all the talking. In this one kiss, I can feel every emotion imaginable. There's fear, anger, sadness, regret, but most of all, just pure happiness. And love. There's a lot of that, too. I feel a hand on my shoulder, but it seems distant, like it's a million miles away, or maybe it's like the soft stroke of a dream. Either way, I ignore it, pressing myself closer to Peeta, if that's even possible. I'm not ready to let go yet, not when I just got him back. The pull of the hand on my shoulder gets stronger, but I still fight it. Unwillingly, I bring my arms up to push them away, but there's more of them now, and I can't fight them all. Finally, like a cord being pulled from its socket, my lips are torn from Peeta's, and I'm falling backwards into the mud, gasping for air. I hear Peeta take in a huge gulp of air, and then caugh it back out. Haymitch's face appears above my own.

"Jeesus, Katniss! Give the boy some air! You nearly suffocated him," he says. I blink once at him, confused, and then look at Peeta. His face is slightly blue, and he's gasping for air like a fish out of water. Finally, it dawns on me. I hadn't thought to give him air. I just assumed that since he wasn't complaining, or struggling, that he was fine. Or maybe he was trying to pull away, and I was too caught up in my thoughts to realize it. I take in a rather shaky breath myself, and then slowly sit up. But Haymitch isn't done with me yet. "Didn't you feel him trying to push you away? Didn't you feel him struggling?" So it was Peeta's hand on my shoulder. He was trying to push me away for air, and I didn't even realize it! God, I feel awful. I ignore Haymitch and crawl over to Peeta. It's so strange. Did I really not feel him struggling? I could have sworn he could hold his breath longer than that before. I gently touch his cheek, and he looks up at me.

"I'm sorry," I say, my face starting to turn red. "I didn't know. I thought it was Haymitch or something. I didn't realize you needed air." He doesn't say anything for a long, agonizing moment, but then he smiles ever so slightly.

"It's okay," he says softly, and then he chuckles. "You sure do know how to make an impression on somebody." My face turns even more red, and I hear Finnick snort somewhere behind me.

"I'll say," he says, and I turn to him.

"You better wipe that grin off your face, Finnick O'dair, or you'll really get to see what an impression I can make," I say. The grin falls off his face immediately, and he looks down at his toes.

"Katniss, why don't you go take Peeta to get something to eat. I have a lot of cleaning up I need to do here," says Haymitch. "And no stops along the way!" I give him a glare before standing up and offering my hand to Peeta. He takes it and I pull him up, but he doesn't let go. I don't really care. I like the feeling of his hand in mind. It reminds me that he's really here, and that things can maybe be the same way they used to be, except this time everything will be real. We finally reach the cafeteria, and I leave him at the table before going and getting us both food. When I come back, he's sitting on the bench, drumming his fingers against the table top. He doesn't stop, even when I give him his food. I sit across from him and just watch, and after a minute he notices my gaze.

"Oh, sorry," he says. "It's just weird to be able to move again after being frozen for so long." He starts to eat, eagerly stuffing as much food as he can into his mouth at once. I have no idea how hungry being frozen makes you, but I'm guessing a lot, based on how fast Peeta's inhaling his tray. When he's done, he looks up at me, and my untouched food.

"Aren't you going to eat?' he asks. "Or are you not hungry?"

"I was just watching you," I say, and then take a bite of mashed potatoes. He smiles slightly.

"You seem to be doing that a lot lately," he says. I stop eating and look at him.

"I've just spent months wondering if you were okay, dreading the fact that you were probably being tortured, and then when I finally got you back, I thought you were dead. I've just been through every single emotion on the whole planet. So, I think I deserve to be able to look at you," I say, and I hate how defensive it sounds. This just makes Peeta smile more.

"I didn't say it was a bad thing. I'm just not used to it, that's all," he says, and suddenly a thought strikes me.

"Peeta, could you hear anything while you were frozen?" I ask. He frowns.

"No, not that I know of. I think that injection, whatever it was, froze up all my eardrums, too. It froze everything. And now that I think about it, I really have to go to the bathroom," he says. "There wasn't exactly bathroom breaks back at the Capital." I quickly finish the last of my food and get up to put away our trays.

"There's a bathroom in my room," I say, taking his hand and leading him down the hall. When we make it to my door, I pause for a fraction of a second before opening it and pulling him into the room behind me, slamming the door a little harder than I need to. Peeta flinches at the sound, but then heads for the bathroom. I lay down on the bed, and look up at the ceiling. I can't believe he's really here, that he's really alive. It just can't be true, can it? I'm startled as he flops down on the bed beside me. I hadn't even heard the bathroom door open. I must have been deep in my thoughts again. He lets out a soft, content sigh, and turns so that he's facing me. I turn my body to face his, and pull him to me. He feels so warm, like he always does, but he no longer smells like cinnamon and dill. He no longer has the strength he once had before, and he's lost a few pounds, but otherwise he seems okay.

"You don't have any scars," I whisper, and he looks right into my eyes.

"That's because they fixed me up before freezing me and sending me here. They wanted it to seem like they killed me, and then prepared my body for the funeral they were sure you were going to hold. But it's all just a trick. Believe me, I looked a lot worse than this," he says, and my throat gets tight at the mental images that come to my mind. It's quiet for a long time. I can't stand the thought of Peeta being tortured, his body torn and bloody, beaten beyond repair, but I guess the damage was reparable. At least, the physical damage was. I have no idea what his mental health is like, but it seems okay. He hasn't really changed much, and I'm glad for that. I gently press my lips to his for a second, and then pull away. I want more than that, but I don't want a repeat of earlier. I have to control my excitement. He closes his eyes and scoots closer to me.

"Please tell me there aren't any cameras around," he mutters happily, and once again I remember that he never heard me when I told him I loved him. He still doesn't know, but I'm sure he knows I care about him.

"There aren't any that I know of," I say, and this makes him smile.

"So, what does this mean?" he asks, and it's my turn to smile.

"What do you think?" I ask. "I love you, Peeta Mellark. I'm sorry it took so long for me to finally figure it out." He smile grows huge and he takes my face in his hands.

"And I love you, Katniss Everdeen, like I always have, and always will," he says, and kisses me, a slow, soft kiss, that melts my heart and turns my brain to mush. I don't think I'll ever get used to his kisses, or his unconditional love for me. When we finally pull away, there's only one thing I can say.

"We're together again."

**Okay, there you go! I hope it lived up to your expectations. Please review. You'll make my day! And maybe I'll be motivated enough to write the next chapter really soon.**


	6. Whatever You Say

**I'm so sorry I didn't update sooner, but I've been really busy lately with school and stuff. So, here's the next chapter, and I hope you like it! Please review.**

I wake up and look around, my eyes searching for any sign that yesterday was a dream. They rest on Peeta's sleeping form beside me, and I gently rest a hand on his arm. This makes his eyes flicker open, and he smiles sleepily up at me.

"Good morning," he mutters, his eyes once again closing. I brush the hair out of his eyes and can't help but smile, too. Yesterday was real, and that's the only thing that matters at this moment.

"It's better than good. It's one of the best mornings of my life," I say, curling up next to him and resting my head on his shoulder. His arm wraps itself around my waist, holding me to him. His eyes open once again, and turn amused.

"What makes it one of the best?" he asks, the hint of a smile starting to creep up onto his lips.

"Because I finally have you back," I say simply, and he smiles. I lean over and kiss him softly for a moment. "And you're never leaving me again."

"I don't _want_ to leave," he says. "I want to stay with you for the rest of my life." There's a loud knock on the door, but I ignore it. Nobody is going to ruin this moment for me, _nobody._

"Katniss!" Haymitch calls from the other side of the door, knocking again, and quickly making me mad.

"Go away!" I call back. Unfortunately, the door is unlocked, and he opens it and stomps over to us.

"Get up!" he says, shoving us off the bed. Peeta sighs, but gets up and heads over to the closet to find a pair of clean clothes. However, I don't accept the interruption so easily. I get up and push Haymitch towards the door.

"Get out!" I say angrily, my hands balling into fists. He grabs me wrists, hard, and presses them into my sides.

"You've got ten minutes to get ready and come down to breakfast," he says.

"And if I don't?" I growl, my patience running out. He leans down close to my face, his eyes menacing and quickly losing patience. His breath reaches my nose, and I flinch at the horrible smell of it.

"If you don't, then I think it's time for Peeta to get his own room. You can sleep by yourself," he says, and my eyes narrow.

"You wouldn't _dare_," I say, but my voice shakes just the tiniest bit. Haymitch releases my wrists and takes a step away from me.

"Oh, yes I would," he replies, and I can see the sincerity in his eyes.

"No fair," I mutter, and he laughs.

"All is fair in love and war, Sweetheart, and this is definitely war," he says, heading out the door. "Ten minutes!" I slam the door, and the loud echo bounces around the walls of my room. Peeta's arms wrap around me from behind, and he rests his head on my shoulder.

"Come on, Katniss. Go get dressed. We don't want to make any angrier than he already is," he says, releasing me and instead taking my hand. He leads me over to the closet, and I sigh. Why does Haymitch have to ruin everything? Peeta heads to the bathroom, the door singing softly closed behind him. I dig through the pile of clothes until I find a pair of jeans and a dark green, long sleeved shirt. I'm putting my hair into its usual braid when Peeta comes out of the bathroom, his hair combed and laying flat on his head. I feel his eyes watching me, but I don't turn to look at him until my braid is finished. When I do finally look over at him, there's a small frown on his face.

"What?" I ask, my eyebrows raising in question. His eyes meet mine, and he smiles slightly.

"Nothing. I just think you should leave your hair down more often," he replies.

"Hmm, well it's more convenient this way," I say, walking over to him. "But maybe I'll wear it down for special occasions." His eyes light up and I smirk at him before heading over to the door. Peeta follows and we head out into the hall, which seems more crowded than usual, or maybe it's just me. Either way, it takes us longer than usual to reach the cafeteria, and when we do, almost all the tables are filled. I find a spot next to Prim and pull Peeta in next to me. Haymitch is sitting across from us, a smug look on his face. I scowl at him, and then feel eyes on me. I look to Haymitch's left and see Gale. His eyes travel down to his plate when he sees me looking, and my stomach gives a small twinge. After all, my being with Peeta now kind of makes my decision final, and I didn't choose him. He has every right to be saddened by my choice, but it still makes me feel like crap inside. I finish my breakfast quickly and get up to leave, but Haymitch's voice stops me.

"Not so fast, Katniss," he says. "There's a meeting today, and you and Peeta have to attend."

"A meeting? When?" I ask.

"In about five minutes," he replies, and I frown. Why does it have to be so soon?

"Fine," I mutter. "I'll head to the conference room now." I feel eyes on me as I leave the table, but I don't look back. I don't really see what's so amazing about me heading to the conference room, anyway. When I'm about to open the door to the conference room and walk in, there's a hand on my shoulder, holding me back. I whip myself around, ready to defend myself from attack, but it's just Peeta. I relax, and fall into his outstretched arms.

"I'm sorry. Did I startle you?" he asks, and I look up at him.

"Kind of, but it's okay. I've been really jumpy lately, what with the war and everything," I reply, and pull away from him. The other members of our conference are starting to come down the hall, so I walk into the room and sit down at the table. Peeta takes a seat next to me, and soon enough the table is filled. I'm surprised to see my mother and Prim. They usually are working in the infirmary during our meetings, unless something really bad has happened, or something important. I sink lower in my chair, preparing for what news might come. Haymitch clears his throat, signaling that he's about to speak.

"As you know," he begins. "Peeta has recently been given back to us." The table is quiet as we try to see where this conversation is heading. "However, we don't know a lot about this matter, or what the Capital's been up to." Peeta looks down at his hands, starting to see what his role in this conference will be. "Peeta, can you please tell us any information that you have attained from your time at the Capital?" Peeta looks around the table, and takes a deep breath.

Well, they didn't really tell me much. When I first woke up, I wasn't sure where I was. The room I was in was dark and cold, and there were no windows or anything. It was just bricks all the way around. I was probably in there for hours, maybe even days, just trying to remember what had happened, where I was, how I got there. At one point, the door opened and in walked President Snow. He told me all I had to do was give him information on the rebels, and then he would let me go, but I had no idea what he was talking about." He looks to Haymitch for a second before continuing. "I was tortured for about two weeks before they decided that I didn't know anything. They sent me back to my room and I stayed there for a long time. When Snow finally came in one day, I didn't know what to expect. He told me about a new chemical they had created that literally freezes the body, makes you seem like you're dead. He told me that they were going to inject it into me, and then ship me to district thirteen for the rebels to burry. I fought, really I did, but they were too strong. They told me you would burry me alive, thinking I was dead, and then they would send Katniss a letter telling her that they wouldn't hurt anyone else she loved, if she came to the Capital. And, well, now I'm here." No one says a word for a few minutes, trying to process this new information. I take Peeta's hand under the table, and give it a small squeeze. He doesn't look at me, seemingly deep in his own thoughts.

"What about the other prisoners?" Haymitch asks finally. "What happened to Enobaria and Johanna?"

"Enobaria's dead. They killed her a few days after they started my torture. They forced me to watch…" Peeta's voice trails away, and he's lost in his thoughts again.

"What about Johanna?" I ask him, because I need to know. I may not be the best of friends with the girl, but it would be my fault if she was killed. I'm the one that sent the arrow into the force field, not her.

"I don't know. The last time I saw her, she was pretty bad looking. They were harder on her than they were to me," Peeta replies before looking at Haymitch. "Can I go now?" Haymitch blinks, but nods his head after a moment and Peeta gets up and leaves the room. I want to go after him, but I know I have to stay for the rest of the meeting.

"Well, um, think about that new information and start coming up with strategies," Haymitch says, and then he leaves the room, signaling that the meeting is over. I quickly get up and head out into the hallway, hoping to see Peeta, but he's nowhere to be found. I head off down the hall, my eyes searching for him. He seemed pretty upset at the meeting, and I know that what he experienced at the Capital has changed him, made him see things he never should have had to seen. Finally, I just head back to my room, starting to let myself worry. Why couldn't I find him? I know all of the places there are to hide in down here in district thirteen. Where could he have gone? I plop myself down on the bed with a sigh.

"Katniss?" calls a voice from the bathroom. I sit up and head over t the bathroom door, flinging it open without even thinking. Peeta is sitting there on the toilet, his hair wet. The air is steamy, and there's a damp towel on the floor. He must have taken a shower. Thank god he'd already gotten dressed before I came in. I'd make sure to knock next time.

"I was looking all aver for you!" I say, exasperated. "And you were in here the whole time?" I sigh and lean my back against the wall.

"Sorry," he says. "I just needed to get out of there, and this is the only place I could think of to go, so I came here and decided to take a shower." He gets up and walks out the door, leaving me behind in the bathroom. I pick up the towel and head out, too, throwing it into the dirty clothes pile, which is basically just a pile of clothes on the f=ground at the foot of my bed. He's sitting on the bed, staring at his hands.

"Are you okay?" I ask him, taking a seat next to him. I rest a hand on his shoulder. He doesn't answer right away, and the awkwardness makes me fidget.

"I'm fine," he says softly. "It's just, there's a lot I experienced at the Capital, things I wanted to forget, and talking about them today at the meeting, it's brought them all back." He looks miserable, and I wish I knew what to do, but I've never been all that good at comforting others. So, I say the only thing that I can think of, the only thing that will take his mind completely off of the Capital and his experiences there.

"A few days ago, when I thought you were dead, I had a daydream," I start softly, looking down at my feet. I feel Peeta's eyes look up at me, curious. I take a deep breath and continue. "You and I were at a house, our house. You had a baby in your arms, and I could tell it was ours. I was at the kitchen table, watching you. You were feeding it." I look up at him, and he's staring intently at me, his eyes curious, questioning. There's more to the dream, but it feels too strange to say it out loud, even if it is Peeta that I'm talking to. The hint of a smile plays on his lips, and his eyes light up a bit.

"So, what are you trying to say?" he asks.

"Nothing. I was just trying to comfort you," I say quickly, my cheeks starting to burn. He laughs, and I look up at him, my eyes starting to narrow. "Oh, be quiet!" This just makes him laugh harder, and makes me more annoyed. Finally, I simply lean over and kiss him, cutting off the sounds of his laughter, and officially ending that conversation. When I finally pull away, he's still smiling, but I think it has more to do with the kiss than the previous conversation.

"Maybe I should laugh at you more often," he says jokingly, and I punch him in the arm. I don't hit him hard, but he still flinches.

"Yeah, maybe," I mutter. "Next time I won't be so easy on you."

"Whatever you say, Katniss, whatever you say."

**There you go! Review, please! I need to know what you guys think of the story. Do you have any suggestions? Review me any ideas that you have, and I'll see if I can fit them into the story.**


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